Category: My Thoughts

We are definitely in the chill of winter and I am glad I am not in Johannesburg but Phalaborwa where I can still afford to walk around in my summer dress. My friend Thembi and I chat quite a bit about this weather and I never miss the opportunity to stick to her face and remind her she is stuck in the freezing cold up north.

We had our usual chats last night and in the middle of it she gave me the challenge to do a write-up about why women manage to get laid but struggle to keep or attract a long-lasting, committed relationship. I wasn’t sure why she was asking me because well I haven’t been single for about 3 years, in fact I am months away from marriage. Before this relationship I had about 2 years of play time after I came out of a 4 year relationship that started when I was 15.

So I thought I don’t really know why women can manage to get laid but never be in a lasting relationship. Even the guys during my 2 year play time were pretty good almost relationship, that would have been proper happy relationships had I given it the time.

But when I thought about I did realise that although I am blessed with a relationship that is heading towards lifetime commitment, I am still no different from every other woman in the world. The woman who sometimes doesn’t know what the hell she is doing so wrong in today’s reality of love and relationships with the opposite sex.

In my opinion women are taught from a young age how to find her future life partner. The difference in what each one grasps from these teachings though is the stage her mother or any other female figure is close to her at the time of growing up. Is she a disgruntled woman whose man left her broke and alone? Does she even know your father? Unhappy marriage perhaps? Or does she come from a loving marriage or commitment that allows her to be the best woman she can be.

This makes a difference because it instills in you the lessons to finding your partner. I told Thembi that based on this my opinion is that women manage to get laid but not in a long-lasting relationship because they do not know how to find or wait for the person that will be most compatible with her.

We all wish we could end up with Mr Charming, who looks right, smells right, has the right money and comes from the right family.

But this is not how life works because sometimes that Mr Charming is so wrong for you. He may not like seeing a woman lying around the lounge in her pyjamas on a Sunday morning eating a tub of ice cream, he may hate a girlfriend you have had since High School simply because she wears really short skirts sometimes, he may even despise the fact that sometimes you love your work more than anything in the world. Sure you will get some lovely Mandingo from him for a while maybe years even, but you will feel it in your soul that he is not right for you.

I think women have become so obsessed with numbers that claim that the number of men in the world is shrinking and finding a good man will be almost impossible. I disagree with that because if there are still men to be friend zoned then there are definitely good men out there. Instead we run after what is pop culture and we create a list that has nothing to do with the core person to meet this pop culture’s conditions. We say to ourselves the man I end up with must earn so much a year, must drive this car, live in this neighbourhood and have this qualification. But what does any of this have to do with his core self, and how does his core self match with what your core self deserves in a life partner?

The guys that we filter through according to our list have also smartened up to the fact that women have this list in the first place. They understand why they managed to get in the cookie jar and will act accordingly, leaving you as the women with very little power. This is when you agree to be friends with benefits when you are really looking for a husband, you agree to be girl on the side because he bought you a nice car (probably in his name though).

We have willingly given away our God-given power of control, of insight and having the bone of making the right decisions. We believe in movies that tell us to act like a woman and think like a man (impossible) and we now model ourselves after women on tv who got their hired men because of looks. And most women will remain in an empty relationship or even bed for as long as she does not accept that she holds the power of finding or meeting the man most compatible and perfect for her…


You have been friend zoned my friend…

There are few things in this game of love that is more brutal than being friend zoned. The feeling of being so close yet so far…so so far…Let me relate my story that inspired this discovery…

A close friend of mine, (let’s call her Thami …) just recently discovered how painfully salty being steadily place in friend zone truly is.

See a couple of months ago she met a Dashing Mixed Breed; half DRC, half something more exotic. Thami was of course immediately attracted to him, but was still getting over the betrayals of her now ex –boyfriend that has left her shattered by the hurt for years. This meant she had no time or energy for love and friend zoned the Dashing Mixed Breed by the way happened to be a really good guy.

Dashing Mixed Breed was friend zoned hard too. She told him in a rather blatant manner that she was still in love with her ex and eventually started ignoring his phone calls.

Thami continued to date other dashing so and so’s, months went by and one by one; they managed to steal her belief in real honest love. She does think about Dashing Mixed Breed often and eventually reached out to him.

What they meet for the very first coffee in months, he was naturally a little cold towards her. He was trying to figure out her angle but only saw someone with the potential to break his heart. Thami sure felt the rejection but was determined to do whatever it took to gain his romantic interest back; even sex.

The second meeting was some lunch where during the hearty meal Dashing Mixed Breed invited Thami to church. CHURCH…!

First off Thami has not been to church since Matric which is about 8 years ago! This is insane; but she had promised herself she will win Dashing Mixed Breed back no matter what, if it will score her points she will do it even if it means going to Church.

She let out a sigh of relief when the pastor said sermon over but disbelieve when Dashing Mixed Breed invited her to church again next Sunday. My friend has unfortunately been friend zoned. Unless of course Dashing Mixed Breed likes to handle his relations very slowly.

I couldn’t help but laugh, cause I too know too well how being friend zoned leaves you. You are left asking yourself what is so wrong with you that the person you want, wants you as a friend. The other disgusting that about it is that being friend zoned is barely about your looks, but goes a little deeper. Your conquest is basically telling you “ I want you in my life just not like that”.

You are left hoping that you could change this somewhere down the line; that he will see how awesome you are and want you as his girl. But you actually are left holding the candle in many a movie nights with his girlfriend.

Being friend zoned is tough and in my opinion the only way to survive it is to accept it and keep it moving…

Africa’s female president Banda and Sirleaf

I would not consider myself a feminist as such but I do pride myself in supporting everything that is woman.So just like everyone else I am proud that Africa now has two African president to show for, Liberian President Ellen Johnson Sirleaf and Malawian President Joyce Banda to be more specific.

These two extraordinary women have committed themselves to using their position to improve the lives of women across the continent. They made this pledge two years into what the African Union declared the “Women’s Decade”

. The two presidents will be using the United Nations Millennium Development Goals as a barometer to achieve their goals of enhancing women’s roles in society by ensuring improvements in gender equality, education for girls and maternal health.

But there are some very real challenges that each country still faces and need to fix. According to a 2010 United Nations Development Programme report on both countries, Liberia is only likely to meet certain goals on equality and education while Malawi remains unlikely to meet its targets for any of the three MDGs that focus on women…Now aint that a bummer.

But the presidents are not bothered, with Banda stating that there is no better time to advance women’s rights in Africa but now. And Sirleaf who focused her first term to reconstructing the country devastated by two civil wars says she is now shifting her focus to women’s rights and health national priority in her second term.

So like every other women facing an uphill battle in the workplace, Sirleaf and Banda govern countries with significant development challenges, such as civil wars, corruption and mismanagement. But in the short time they have been in office they have been doing a great job in raising the voices of women in their nations.

petrol prices a sad laugh

We have all been inspired to pack our bags and look for a cheap petrol haven of late as rising price hikes continue to hit our already almost empty pockets. But countries with some of the cheapest fuel prices have their own set of problems.

Heres a list of the countries where fuel may be cheap but you may need to think twice about living here.

1. Equador R5.00/L (about $37.5/L )

This country’ economy depends on the export of petroleum, fish, timber and gold. It is also rich in agricultural products such as bananas, rice and sugar.

Although you can fill up a 50 litre tank for less than R250 in the Central American country, the dirty politics, over eager police, rebellious natives and a governemtn that appears to be falling apart may make you reconsider.



2. Egypt R4.50/L (about $31.50/L )

I am pretty sure we all know what is going on in Egypt. Although the social revolution has inspired us all to take a stand against our incompetent government’s; being in the middle of it is quite another story.

Egyptian revolution started via social media

The North African country is also notorious for its dodgey roads and terrible drivers, so whatever you save at the pumps may actually end up going to servicing your car on a regular basis.3. Brunei R3.60/L ($27/L )

Brunei sounds awesome for one other reason besides the low fuel prices and that is that nobody in the country pays tax; but you dont get much of your way as a citizen either. When the Sultan says jump you ask how high. You don’t really get to use your car anyway as the entire country is the size of about Johannesburg and Pretoria.

And for what you save at the pumps you can expect to pay for at the shopping centres, as most of the goods are imported.

4. Oman R2.90/L ($21.75/L )

If you like lots of desert than the gas saving may be worth it

Oman may not have the troubles of the countries on this list, but it also doesnt have much else to offer except for desert. Lots and lots of desert. I guess if playing around the dunes with camels is your thing then go for it.

5. Kuwait R2.10/L ($15.75/L)

In South Africa and other African countries we actually shy away from using the public transport system for our own safety and pockets really. but in Kuwait the public transport system is so subsidised that it is almost free.

And it is alot safer than some of its neighbours such as Saudi Arabia and Iraq. So it wouldn’t really make sense to run here when you won’t even be using your car much.

6. Algeria, Turkmenstan & Qatar R2/L ($15/L )

Algeria is still taking baby steps in developing its economy after ending a 19 year old state of emergency recently. The government has also been slow in responding to its people’s needs, it took protests for the government to start listening.

The fuel may be low in Turkmen but the population is also dirt poor.Although the country is rich in minerals most of the revenue from this goes straight into the pockets of the politicians. There is one positive though, the crazy dictator has been replaced by a slightly saner one.

Okay the only really bad thing (and its depending on how you see it) that I could think of about Qatar is that its really hot!

Qatar Heat

Buhrain, Libya, Sudia Arabia and Iran all boast fuel prices that are between R1.90 and 90 cents. But Venezuela takes the cake at 20 cents /L. These countries are mostly plagued by oil tensions that usually result in war.





"Insanity is the new brilliance"

When I first loaded this picture to this blog in August last year I had no idea why I was putting it up and have not known since. Until, that is,  today…I finally have the words to describe exactly why this picture meant something to me.

According to my humble but sometimes very wrong opinion, human existence has been in a limbo state of mind since the emergence of Western Technology in the 15000’s to about 1750.  We would like to believe that we were in our own countries, doing whatever was fashionable at the time, but this was time the United States actually started to depend on its own resources, entrepreneurs and ideas. It started building a culture that most of us only admit to adapting centuries later.

The emergence of Western Technology changed all of us my people (lol) it made us brain dead to what is really important in life and opened the door for us to be screwed over by companies we work for.

Let me explain.

Everyone one of us should by now have woken from the dream that working would open us up to a world of wealth.

You know how it goes.

“As soon as I get my first salary I will be able to buy my own car, own my townhouse and still have money enough to holidays and nice designer clothes”

But life had other plans for us, proving Industrial Revolutions and the likes instead of liberating us, paved the way for us to become slaves for the need to “survive”. We struggle on through years of torture from the She Devil disguised as our manager, we hustle for our pay – dude it is crap working 23 odd days a month to be paid enough to pay rent and maybe buy food! – MAYBE BUY FOOD – lol…

We barely have the courage to try and run. We can’t imagine living without the must haves. It just makes no sense…

…Why insanity is the new brilliance…since the 1500’s

I have been enjoying “working” from home this week, short listing call centre candidates and writing up my very first interview questions.

I struggled with the decision to interview a white girl or not, I had the battle of whether I should apply the whole black economic empowerment thing or the former affirmative action? In the end I choose the latter, the girl is certainly qualified…

I juggled that with some freelance work I need to have done by Saturday, by the end o f the day I was exhausted…

It was about that time to Chill our for some DSTV time, I am R559 short every month but I enjoy the luxury of  having the full bouquet J

And what do I find the Movie Start channel 105 but the one and only Pootie Thang!

Pootie Thang

Pootie Thang is a comedy Released in 2001; as explained in the info bar – a ghetto do gooder uses his magical level studded belt to stop the corporate world from exploiting his people. Chaos is unlashed when the belt is stolen. (Chris Rock, Lance Crouther; Loius CK)

For me as a black woman the movie is ridiculous in an insanely accurate and way…

Pootie Thang doesn’t speak proper English; he created his own language when he was like 8 years old, making old women cry with his player swagged out ways. Makes songs out of nothing (like the song will literally be dead air); treat black women bad but they always go back cause he does it with swag…

Pootie relies heavily on the belt his papa gave him for this swag –  a belt. Only rule of the belt is “don’t let the bitches come between you and the belt”

How many of those brothers do we know now ladies? Pootie’s downfall of course is when Pootie lets the ladies come between him and the belt…

Ladies is it at all starting to sound a little bit like what you have at home? Don’t look at him right now!

Anyway, like everything else pop culture from the turn of the century, there is the fascination of inter-racial dating. Pootie neglects the strong black women that has always had his back…Ok fine she does dress like a hoochie, is cocky and is actually a ghetto airhead, but something about her loyalty to Pootie she is likable….hmmmm, come to think about it, I actually may know at least 5 people like this…

Biggie Shorty

This movie for me makes me realise just how much crap we have to live through as a people everyday and some of it is within ourselves.

Its hard seeing yourself  in a way that could be almost offensive, but I figure the moment it gets offence is the time we should laugh because it clearly means we seeing ourselves being portrayed.

The movie is basically the culture that we know live in, the one of believing we have to live everything we see on television. We do not have to…

I close with one of the final lines of the movie  “And Dirty D is still Dirty cause he is Dirty D Damn it…!” Go find out what that means…!

Pootie Thang Wisdom

Some real last words!

Limpopo Marula Festival from the 19th to 27th of February 2012 in Phalaborwa

Right after posting my last article “Experiencing Limpopo” I had a strange thought, seeing nature is all good and well, but when you surrounded by it every second or every day it may get a little well boring. I wondered if there was anything else for us to do, something that perhaps involves a little child like behaviour and some liquor (for those of us who can drinkL)

And then as I was goggling myself “ Ntokozo Khumalo in Phalaborwa” I found the Limpopo Marula Festival. Okay I didn’t Google myself, I goggled “People with the name Ntokozo Khumalo in Phalaborwa” haha…

The Limpopo Marula Festival has been taking place since 2008, and this year it is from tomorrow (19th of Feb) which is awesome cause its Nathi’s birthday, to the 26th.

What got me excited though is some of the activities taking place over this time. There is the Marula Gold challenge taking place at the Hans Merensky Golf Estate, which is situated inside the Kruger National Park Phalaborwa. I bet I will not be anywhere near that even if it offers a traditional and wildlife experience. I bet Nathi will be on there though, cause it is apparently perfect for business networking….blleehhhh…

Among the other activities, which I will bet a drunk Nathi to partake in is the half marathon….errr  lets move on…if  I can walk it I will definitely take it on as the route incorporates the Kruger National Park J

Music lovers can enjoy the Open Air Music Concert which is one of the highlights of the festival.  It features tons of local acts and a taste of Johannesburg; Freshly Ground and DJ Mahoota vs Vetkoek (erm).

Of course the government will make use of event where there will be thousands, of happy and perhaps drunk people to promote its office. Stand 20 Exhibitions of Cultural Products and Tourism Career Fair. This will basically advertise marula products, Cultural and tourism products within the region.

If we didn’t have to conduct interviews in the week I would be going every single day…

Bookings & Enquiries:
Organizer: Andre Kellermann – 015 781-0589 or 083 458-5746
Co-Ordinator: Gillienne Saddie – 083 661-7880

For more information contact 015 769-5090 or 082 820-7337.

Experiencing Limpopo

So Nathi and I finally decided to take on the opportunity to move to Phalaborwa in Limpopo. We had no idea what we were getting ourselves into!

I had decided to dismiss the warnings from my colleagues at etv. They spoke of immense skin piercing heat, constant power outages and about 3 restaurants in the whole town.

I soon found all this to be true in about the 3rd day of us getting here. L

But what they missed to tell me is that this place is absolutely beautiful. The six hour drive here was surrounded by nothing but green, we are surrounded by the Kruger National Park and the peace  here is to kill for absolutely.

I will not lie though, it has been hard to adapt to the place work wise. My mind occasionally goes into an absolute blank, not knowing where to start. I was getting frustrated that  some old retired lady knows what’s going on in the town more than I do, I mean the town is like 2 blocks big! She knows when the power will be out and for how long, where to send your frozen food to if its out for more than one day (and we have experienced it being out for 4 whole days!) She knew who to talk to if you looking for information etc. I cried at least twice at the frustration of not knowing any of this. I was for the first time scared actually…

My entire family is about 6 to 7 hours away. My work is really mostly on a freelance basis, and the projects I need to get going for extra cash needs me to have connection with at least one decision make in this town…so far I know zero.

So Nathi, being the sweetheart he is decided to take me on a little road trip to the nearest (bigger) town to lift my spirit. This happens to be Tzaneen which is about an hour and 10 minutes away.

The road trip from the go started to lift my mood, I realised hey! I will be able to work, there’s lots to do. There is the home of Amarula about 5 km from home, the Kruger National Park, and like dozens of lodges and resorts that all offer something different.

The route smelt of nectarine and mangos , such a delicious road trip.

But the highlight, aside from the excitement of seeing stores like Game and an actual mini mall, was on the way back. We went to see the Boabab tree.

According to wildlife sites “No tree in Africa embodies the spirit of Africa more than the baobab with its bulbous branches and gnarled bark. Otherwise known as Africa’s ‘big tree’, the baobab is revered in African culture for many different reasons.”

The tree is more than two thousand years old, and it brought a certain peace. Just seeing the nature we tend to forget about in the cities, made me realise, if I can find a way to make it here, heck I can make it anywhere!

The reigning Queen

And thats all….

What is happening here?